When you look at her
by Rain on your Back
Summary: You turn your head, and there she is. What do you see?


**Name :** When you look at her

**Autor :** Rain

**Disclaimer :** Shaman King belongs to Hiroyuki Takei as everyone well knows. I only own my headcanons and my writings.

**Note :** Character study that slightly derailed into shipping/dark!shipping. Is that okay? That's okay. Onwards.

* * *

When you look at her, you might see a leader.

Ignorant observers see her like that. After all it is easy, and it is not wrong, not at first glance. She speaks clearly, and loudly enough to be heard; she faces off opponents twice her age without faltering, she imagines plans no one would have thought of. She takes responsibility for her fallen, but has no qualms sacrificing pawns when it is needed, that grave air of her forcing respect out of you. Ignorant observers might see that, and believe she is a leader.

But they do not see the shift of her eyes, the hesitation of her step when suddenly she is not so sure Marco is with her. They do not see how much more peaceful and happy she is when he is the one talking, leading, because then she is sure she won't make any mistakes. They do not see her closed fists when Hao speaks, when she's keeping herself from screaming, when she throws grandiloquent words that don't come from her heart and she sees his smile and knows he can tell.

That is why you would be wrong to call her only a leader.

* * *

When you look at her, you might see a princess.

That's how her angels see her, after all, and they cannot be so wrong when they see her every day, right? She has all the features of one, indeed. Gracious is her step, kind is her voice, gentle are her remonstrances. Not a sinful (or even an ever so slightly rebellious), word passes her lips. Sometimes they might even hide things from her, because she is so pure, so naive one might say, but not in a bad way - they are all sure this is what is needed to save the world, their world. Even in dark times, she can shine her way through, leading them to a safer place, a better place. Jeanne is radiant for them.

They do not, however, wonder how she can nurture and maintain such radiance when all they see is blood and defeat at every turn. They marvel at that fact, without considering, ever, that she too can break down and she too can crave for closure. Without considering that she too sometimes might need comfort and kindness, and understanding - that though she is a princess, she is also human.

* * *

When you look at her, you might see a child.

She certainly laughed like one once, and still smiles and trusts with that blind faith humans lose when they reach adulthood. It is easy, when one looks at how she acts with Lyserg, for example, to see the gap between them, much larger than one year: when he looks at her with that pink on his cheeks and that stutter in his voice, when he longs to be close and closer, she sheepishly smiles, not even aware of his feelings, chatting and holding hands with that friend of hers.

She really is a child. A mere child, lost in adult games she doesn't know how to play. A little, shy thing that blushes easily, stutters at times, someone who needs constant comfort and reassurance to keep going. A burden, he'd say out loud, though that is not exactly how he feels, not exactly what she is.

Simply a child. That is what Luchist sees, anyway. You could ask, what would he know?

* * *

When you look at her, you might see a blind fool.

But a beautiful one, in some twisted, warped way. That's what Hao sees, on top of everything else. Because even if he openly mocks her for it, he too, in some old forgotten part of his rotten soul, wonders at the leader who faces him, the princess who smiles innocently and decreets he too needs to be saved, the child who discards her own pain for others. The foolery he excuses, though it is what amuses him the most, the idea that even if she managed to make all their dreams come true her so-called angels would stay with her. Such an illusion, he too has lived under, and sometimes he would like to tell her how they would still leave.

They always leave; she will learn it in due time. Before that, he will respect the leader, desire the princess, scold the child and teach the fool.

* * *

**Hao :** *flicks a fireball at Jeanne*

**Jeanne :** *destroys it, looks annoyed*

**Rain :** Don't fight, kiddos…

**Hao & Jeanne :** *attack Rain*


End file.
